Monthly Archives: June 2012

Clear the Air

Unresolved Issues.

“You owe me an apology.”  “For what?”  “Edgar, this morning at my kitchen table, you had the nerve to say that my biscuits were dry.  They’re never dry.”  “They were, Mildred.” “Well, you always show up when I take them out hot from the oven.  You’d always say ‘flaky and tasty.'”  “I do, but not this morning, hon.”

“Well, Edgar, where’s my apology?”  “I ain’t apologizing.  Just telling you the truth.  Maybe they’ll be better tomorrow.  By the way, to soften them up, add a pat of butter to each or some red eye gravy.  Then, maybe, someone will be fool enough to eat them.  But not me.”  “Edgar, please leave, I don’t need anymore insults.  I have my rolling pin on the counter, just to the left of the oven.”  “I’ll see you tomorrow ‘Betty Crocker'”  “See you then and I’ll expect an apology before I serve you anything.”

Edgar thinking to himself  Mildred is not herself.  Her biscuits are never dry.  She’s been so touchy latelyIf she wants an apology, I’ll give it to her tomorrow.  Maybe she’s going through the change.  Women are not in their right minds when this happens.  Elsa hasn’t been the same since.  Edgar passes through the hedge over to his porch.  He will rock the morning away.

“Your son owes my daughter an apology.”  “Oh really, for what?”  “He called Ginnie Mae a spoiled brat.”  “Well, is she?  I’ve heard she gets everything she wants.”  “Marge, she is  not.  Now, ask him.”  “Freddie, did you?”  “Yes, mom, I did.  She brags all the time about money.  She’ll say ‘I’m worth five dollars and you are only a quarter’s worth.’  Now, that hurts.  She makes me and the other twenty five cent kids feel worthless, but we are not.”

“Come on, Marge, make him apologize.”  “Joann, I will not follow your command.  Freddie  owes no apology to Ginnie Mae.  Just stating the truth about her.”  “Well, Ginnie Mae, let’s go.  We don’t need an apology from these undesirables.  They’re low class.  Beneath us.”

“You owe me an apology.”  “For what?”  Jeb to Connor “you made a fool out of me on the court this morning.  I don’t know what happened, I just couldn’t return your serves.”  “It’s not like you, Jeb, to net every ball.  I need some real competition.  Someone who can at least volley the ball.”  “Oh, I’m just feeling sorry for myself.  I’ll get over it.”  “Hey, Jeb, I know someone who can help you get your serve back.  My ten year old daughter, Tina, will work one on one with you.  She’s really good.  How about it?”  “No, thank you, Connor.”  “You seem a little upset” said Connor.  “I am, but I’ll be okay.  Tomorrow is another day.”

“You’re my buddy, Jeb.  I was just playing with you.  Your friendship means more to me than a tennis ball.  Forgive me?”  “You’re forgiven, you jerk!”  Both laugh and leave the court.

“Oh Harry.  I need to talk with you.”  “Mornin, Miss Abilene.”  “Mornin, Harry.”  “I think you owe me an apology.”  “For what?”  ” Harry, you mowed over my day lilies.  They were so lovely and yellow bright.  Every day, new ones open up and just make my day grand.”  “Well, their blooming season is about over.  I do it for you every year and you approve.”

“This time something is not right about it.  I must tell you, I had a dream about you last night.  In the dream, you were in a crazed state of mind mowing over my lillies in the middle of the night.  I heard you say, and you were laughing about it, ‘no more lilies, gone forever, yee ha ha.'”  “But it wasn’t me, Miss Abilene.  Only a dream.”

“Oh it was you all right.  For sure.  I heard your mower and saw your tractor lamps.  You kept yelling out ‘yee ha ha, yee ha ha.'”  “Sounds like a nightmare to me, said Harry.  But it was only a dream, not for real.  Look out your window, see your day lillies?, bright as the day.”  “Oh Harry, you don’t owe me an apology.  I should apologize to you.  I judged you.”  “Miss Abilene, are you okay, now?”  “Yes, I am Harry.  Would you like some fresh coffee and biscuits on my front porch?  There we can both enjoy my lillies.”   “Yes ma’am!”

“You owe me an apology.”  “For what?”  “You called my Zsa Zsa a stinking little poodle.   Zsa Zsa does not stink.  I perfume her every day of the week.  When you insult Zsa Zsa, you insult me, too.  James, now your apology, please.”  “I ain’t apologizing.  Next time give her a bath, too.  Here.  This is a coupon from the ‘Bow Wow’ boutique.  They’re giving free baths this week.  The bath is on me.  That’s my apology.”  “Zsa Zsa, you’re too cute to stink.”  Zsa Zsa says “yap, yap.”

“You owe me an apology.”  “For what?”  “Brother, well, fifteen years ago, you said something to me in front of my girl friends that really embarrassed me.”  “So this happened fifteen years ago?”  “Yes it did, I was so upset that I held it inside of me all  these years.  I’m now in anger management and my therapist suggested that I resolve some of these long held grudges.”

“So, you’re at the top of my list.”  “What did I say, sister?”  “That dress you’re wearing looks like a rag you got at the discount thrift shop.  That really hurt.  I haven’t been in the thrift store for years because of it.  A bad memory.”  “Well, I’m sorry, sis.  I really mean it.  Just don’t hold on to hurt for years, the bitterness can really eat you up inside.  Anything else you want to confront me about from fifteen years ago?  Let me take you out to breakfast.  Okay with you?  No more hate?”  “Only love now, brother.  Only love for you.”