Monthly Archives: April 2012

Eggs on Demand

Chicken House on Red Rooster Road                                                                                                                Valdosta, Georgia

When the rooster crows, the hens lay eggs.  “Here comes Boss Wringer.  I wonder what he’s gonna crow about this mornin?” said Ester Lee.  “He looks very concerned and is moving kinda fast toward the hen house.  This makes me nervous.  I think I’m gonna need a nerve pill.  I just know it,” said Florence shaking and fluttering.

“Girls, get ahold of yourselves.  I know what it’s about.  It’s a request and not an order. Our eggs are in high demand right now.  Girls, don’t panic, just listen to him.”  Boss Wringer walks inside the hen house.  “Mornin, girls, look plump and juicy this mornin. I have some news to tell you about and it does make me a bit distressed.  Two chicken houses have shut down and have been converted over to poultry plants.  We don’t want that, lordy-lordy.”

“Well, what happened to the hens, Boss Wringer?  Were they transferred to another chicken farm?” said Laydalee.  “I’m afraid to say.  Well, their necks were wrung and each wound up on the butcher’s block.   They were southern fried or became stock in a noodle soup.”

“Oh no, they didn’t?” said Ester Lee.  “Yes, that’s what happened girls, but we can prevent this from happening here.  We can determine our future and not let fate lead our way” said Boss Wringer.  “This is just shocking.  I can’t bear the thought of it,” said Florence and she said further “I’m about to faint, girls.  Help me.  Someone please catch me.”

Isabella voiced “I need to save my neck.  I’m the lead soprano in the chicken choir. My vocal chords are tightening up.  I’ll do anything to save myself.  Anything!”  “I got mouths to feed,” said  Laydalee in a sobering tone.  And she said “My chicks depend on me for feed.  For them, I will not let this get the best of me.  I gonna come out fighting,  just like Rocky.”

“Each of the two chicken houses had one hundred hens.  They produced one thousand eggs per week.  So, I have made an agreement with ‘Eggs on Demand’ that we could meet their need for one thousand eggs each week,” said Boss Wringer.

“Oh my,” said Ester Lee and she said “We’re doing good to lay our one normal egg each day.  This is not doable.  What do they think we are, an egg factory? ”  Henrietta to Ester “Hon, we are an egg factory.  We’ve just got to produce.  A lot of hard work, but if we work together and efficiently, I believe we can do it.”  Boss Wringer agreed.

“Boss man, we’ll do our best, but I need to remind you of what happened last year when you pushed us to produce more eggs,” said Henrietta.  “Go on, tell me.  I think I already know the effect of it all.  Not good,” said Boss Wringer.

“Remember Geraldine?  She collapsed and mm…mm…mm, bless her heart.  And Florence, she’s now on nerve pills and our elder hen, Irene, is still in chicken psychotherapy.  She nearly lost her mind from the strain of it all.  And…”  “Tell me no more, Henrietta.  I remember it all.  That will never happen again,” said Boss Wringer.

“Well said, boss.  Now, girls, as Wringer said, we need to produce one thousand eggs per week.  Relax for the rest of the day.  Tomorrow morn, when the rooster crows, hens lay eggs.  Now, go nibble on some chicken feed.  See you at the crack of dawn,” said Henrietta.

In place on the fence post, outside the barn, Boss Wringer crows out “Cock-a-doodle-doo.  Cock-a-doodle-doo!”  “Okay, girls, on your nests and start a laying.  Cackle, cackle, one egg down chute.  Cackle, cackle, another egg down chute and another and another.  Conveyor filled with eggs.

After one hour, Henrietta yells out, “Stop production.  Break time.  Fifteen minute stretch and back on nests.  Ladies, this is wonderful, you doubled your production in one hour.  Two hundred eggs laid.”  After another hour, two hundred more eggs down chutes.  Three hours later, five hundred eggs.”

“Chickadees, what got you motivated?” asked Henrietta.  Laydalee and Ester Lee said “That poster of him.  Brutus the rooster.  He’s a massage therapist and he is one hunk of a bird.  Boss Wringer said whoever triples production, gets an hour with him for a private massage.”  Henrietta announces “And the winner is…all of you.  Each one of you will get a fifteen minute massage with Brutus.  Ten today and the others over the next two days.  We’re off till Monday.  Enjoy your time with Brutus.”  Ester Lee says with excitement “Oh, I will and me first.”

A rooster can crow.  A demand can be made.  Pamper a hen and you may get more eggs.

 

Juicy Prime Steak

Dixie’s–“the prime place for steak.”                                                                                                   Cattletown, Texas

The power of suggestion.  One of the most persuasive ways is to make a subtle statement.  The most effective ads today are subliminal.  Not direct, but indirect, but heard over and   over again, till the customer believes that it’s true and that it’s right for him.  So he takes the bait. This story will demonstrate how the power of a subliminal statement can convince customers at Dixie’s to choose their “juicy prime steak” just by a subliminal  suggestion.

A crowded restaurant, Dixie’s, filled to the brim with diners.  A leisure lunch.  Business lunch.  Power lunch.  Just lunch.  It’s so crowded that it takes time to take and to deliver  their orders as quickly as they normally do.  So, in the mean time, luncheon guests enjoy pleasant conversation with a thirst quenching beverage while they wait and listen to  country pop tunes played overhead in the sound system throughout the restaurant.

“Hey, Bubba.  Darlene, you look great.  What can I getcha?  I know it’s hoppin in here right now, but I’ll put you at the top of my prime list,” said Maxine.  “Can you give us a few minutes, Maxine?  We have one more coming.  Don’t know what’s the hold up with Donna Sue,” said Darlene and she said “should be here shortly, then we will be ready to order.”   “The same ice tea for all of you?”  “Yes, ma’am,” all said.  Be right back folks.”

Music playing over sound system.  “Rockin and rollin at the honky-tonk.  The place where guy meets girl.  Love is in their eyes, but they don’t know it.  Our juicy prime steak is the one for you.  For love may be the thing for you.”

“Well, Donna Sue, where ya been?” said Bubba.  “Waitin in the line at the post office.  Just for one single stamp.  They are pushin the book now and said the single stamps will soon be gone.  Waitin thirty minutes for a postage stamp.”  “Donna Sue, ice tea is on it’s way.  We haven’t ordered yet.  Maxine will be back soon to take our orders,” said Darlene.

“Listen goz, said Donna Sue.  That’s Dolly’s new hit.”  “A hillbilly heart is so sincere.  It’s from the heart and know that it’s so  real.  Just remember our juicy prime steak are just a grillin.  It’s the thing that’s just for you.  A hillbilly heart is so sincere.  A hillbilly heart made just for you.”  Donna Sue singing along with Dolly.  “A hillbilly heart is so sincere.  It’s from the heart and know that it’s so real.  Just remember our juicy prime steak are just a grillin.  It’s the thing that’s just for you.  A hillbilly heart is so sincere.  A hillbilly heart made just for you.”

Maxine returns.  “Okay, folks, wha-da-ya have?  Hey, Donna Sue.”  “Juicy prime steak.  Juicy prime steak,” said Darlene and Bubba.  Donna Sue, “for some reason, juicy prime steak comes to mind.  I’ll have it, too.”  Back soon.  Maxine thinking to herself, “Hillbilly Heart works every time.  Donna Sue doesn’t even know that the lyrics with the message ‘juicy prime steak’ convinced her that it was her choice to make and she did it.  Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!”

“Ben, where have you been?  We need to close this deal now. Only thirty minutes.  Sign here, Gilmer.  Ben, here.  I will notarize.  I am a notary.  Always been.  Have to be ready to seal the deal.”  Ben to Eddie “Sorry, Eddie.  You’re always in a hurry.  Fast Eddie!”  “Okay, fellas the deal is done.  A one hundred thousand dollar deal for three floors of office cubes.  Lunch is on me.  How does juicy prime steak sound?  It just sounds like a good deal, I mean an excellent choice for three hungry men.”  “Good to me,” said Ben.  “Me too,” said Gilmer.

“Hello, gals.  Where ya been?” said Bertha.  “Pretending that we know how to play bridge, but we don’t,” laughingly said Doris.  “We deal the cards, then play fish,” said Iris.  “We enjoy the bridge mix and then lollygag and gossip the rest of the time.” said Anna Belle.  Bertha to the three “where’s your fourth, June Bug?”  “Couldn’t stay.  Big dinner plans.  Likes to prepare a nice meal with the entree, of course, being the juicy prime steak,” said Doris.  “Ice tea for all three?”  “Yes, ma’am, Miss Bertha,” said Anna Belle.  “Back in a jiffy.”

Doris to Iris and Anna Belle “Every time I come in here, I always listen for Elvis.  I just love his trilogy of ‘Dixie and the Land of Cotton.’  Just brings tears to my eyes.”  Iris to the other ladies “Hey, listen, that’s an old tune of Loretta’s she never released.  Just listen and it just about tells the truth about some men.  It’s called ‘Fetch Me That Man.’  Good tune, but he ain’t no man to catch.”

“Fetch me that man.  He’s the only man I ever dared.  I’m ready for his heart, but I’m not in his heart.  A juicy prime steak will cure the ill in your heart.  He’s a sorry catch of a man.”  “Ready to order, girls?” said Bertha.  “Juicy prime steak, juicy prime steak and juicy prime steak,” all three agree.  Bertha to herself “Just unbelievable, ‘Fetch Me That Man’ with that subliminal line caught every one of them.”

“Hey, Miss Marie,” said all three youngsters.  “Hey to you darlins and hey to you Mama.”    “Marie, the kids will all have the juicy prime burgers and I’ll have the same, too.”  “All juicy coolers for you, babies?”  All three say “Yes ma’am, Miss Marie.”  Comin up!”

Geoffrey to his mom, “Hey, Mama, that’s your favorite song.  You and Miss Marie always like the lyrics.”  “Hey Bev, here’s the meal.  Enjoy!”  “Here’s our song Ree.  Just listen.”   “Only a woman understands a woman.  A man will never understand.  A juicy prime burger, a man will never know.  Juicy prime burgers do understand.”

Dixie to restaurant staff “We broke a record today.  We served ninety six juicy prime steaks in our three hour lunch.  Ninety six is just unbelievable.  We’re gonna keep our same tunes with our subliminal line “juicy prime steak” for quite some time.  Sing Dolly’s song with me and then a juicy prime steak lunch for all of us.”

“A hillbilly heart is so sincere.  It’s from the heart and know that it’s so real.  Just remember our juicy prime steak are just a grillin.  It’s the thing that’s just for you.  A hillbilly heart is so sincere.  A hillbilly heart made just for us!”

“Hey, stop by Dixie’s.  There’s a juicy prime steak waiting just for you.”

Tampa, Florida Author..New Book. “Frank Clark Short Stories.”

Frank Clark is proud to announce that his new book, “Frank Clark Short Stories” is now available.  Humor, Imagination and Introspective.  Creative writing style. Book is available in 3 formats, hardback, paperback, and e-book.  Kindle and Nook are included.  Available at these on-line book sellers.  Xlibris.com, my publisher.  Barnes & Noble, bn.com, and amazon.com.  Perfect gift for any occasion.