Somewhere out there.

Bigfoot, a legend or for real?

Many people talk about me as a legend.  Skeptics say I’m not for real.  Imposters dress up in gorilla suits and run through the woods as me.  But they’re not me.  Nobody like me.  I should know.  One even admits that he made a mold of my big foot.  How could he have done it?  He has never seen or met me.  Now, he’s a phony!  But not me.  I’m for real.

Legend or for real?

There have been occasional sightings of me captured on film.  I know of one for sure.  It’s about a thirty-second clip of me on the hunt for a banana burger.  I’m not an ape.  I’m not a man.  I am Bigfoot and I have big feet.  However, I do have a human friend.  I do know Elvis.  We play hide and seek.

When you see Elvis, you may see me.  When you see me, you may see Elvis.  We jam together.  We play rock and roll.  Our last sighting was at Dandy Discount.  Elvis was in Music signing autographs.  I was in Lingerie trying on something called a bra.  They didn’t have my size, so, I strung ten of them together to get the right fit.  I really liked the shocking pink ones, but the banana yellows had more appeal.

Legend or for real?

Well, if I don’t exist, why is there so much interest in me?  I’m occasionally on the six o’clock news.  On slow or no news days, local television runs that thirty-second clip of me between ads.  One newscast ran my clip every two minutes just to keep the viewers from changing the channel.  They will even change the lead to keep interest like “Special Report-Bigfoot Found,” or “Bigfoot Sighting Today,” or “Bigfoot’s Coming Out.  Stay tuned for more.”

Legend or for real?

There is one likely place you might see me.  We all drive cabs in New York.  There’s            more than one of me.  We have a fleet of cars.  Always ready for a pick up.  Just yell ‘Hey, Bigfoot.  I need a ride.’  I’ll pick you up, but be at the curve.  Must make a fast get away.  Cash only and no monkey business.

A lot of people in gorilla suits, so we blend right in with the crowd.  All are in the monkey business.  A lot of bananas in the Big Banana.  So, don’t be fooled by a banana bandit.  A lot of then there too.

Legend or for real?

I know you’re looking for me.  I am out here, but you will never meet me.  I’m like a fugitive, always on the run.  Just when you think you see me, you don’t.  Elusive as a butterfly.  Always lost and never found.

By the way, I have two requests before I go.  Does anybody have a dollar for a banana  burger?  Just leave it at the Banana Burger.  Corner of Monkey See Boulevard and Monkey Do Run.  They know me there.  I’m a regular customer at the drive through.  As I told you, I do drive a cab.

Lastly, I really like my bras.  I bought five pinks and five yellows.  They are on layaway.  I can’t pick them up.  Will you do?  They accept cash and Monkey Express.  Leave them at Gorilla Gas.  They know me there.

There’s no business like show business, but most likely, I’ll never show.  See ya!