Monthly Archives: September 2016

Winter Haven

The colors of autumn are ablaze in our forests of maples, poplars, elms and oaks.          Brilliant reds, yellows and orange painted on every leaf.  The panorama of color  is just breathtaking.  As the winds rush in, every leaf will fall and eventually drop to the ground.   A season of change when cooler temperatures become frigid as winter approaches.

October 1st–Migration Day.  One week away.  Birds of every feather are gathering to determine whether to stay through winter or to head south to a warmer climate for rest and  relaxation.  No time to waste.  A long flight ahead.  Hundreds of miles for many and       for some, a thousand mile journey.

Here is the dialogue among the flocks as they prepare themselves for their winter holiday  in Florida.  Destination–Winter Haven.

In lower Ontario.  Canadian Joe briefs fellow geese about what they need to do to get ready for next week’s journey to the Deep South.  “Eat hearty.  Store up fat.  In a week, we will fly south.  A long flight.  Over one thousand miles.  Bring ample supplies of grass and seed as snacks.  There won’t be any stop overs at any of the fast food establishments.  As a matter of fact, next week report to McDilly’s parking lot at 6:00 am sharp for a feast on left over burgers and fries.  Then up and away we go.”

“Our trip will take two days.  Five hundred miles to Tallulah Gorge in Georgia.  We will stay for the night in the oaks at the state park there.   The next morning we will scavenge the grill areas and trash cans for any morsels of food.  Then off we go to sunny Florida.  Destination–Winter Haven.  Our home til next March.  Then our flight back home to Canada land.”

“Attention everyone!  As you can feel, there is a cool nip in the air. Twenty-eight degrees expected low for tomorrow morn.  Next Wednesday, October 1st, is migration day.  We head south for the Winter.  Niagara Nell goes on to say.  We, as finches, can’t take the cold    of winter.  It’s more comfortable for us down south.”

“Wednesday morning, we will gather on the power line at the corner utility pole at American Way and East Falls Street.  There, I will do a head count to make sure everyone is present.  Must be on line by 6:00 am sharp.  After attendance and a moment of prayer for a safe journey, we will swoosh down into Helva’s Kitchen lot for a pancake feast.  After our fill, we will flutter up and away.  Florida bound.  One thousand miles away.  We will fly non-stop to Winter Haven.  Our sunshine home til April when we return home to Niagara Falls,”    said Niagara Nell.

Buzzard’s Nest.  Hoot n’ Holler, Arkansas.  Buzzard Sam–“listen up!  Next week is migration day.  On Wednesday, October 1st, we leave for a long winter’s vacation in sunny Florida.  Dude and Dudess Buzzards, remember, we buzzards need to stick together.  No straying away from the flock.  I know how many of us like to soar alone.  Can’t do, must fly as a flock together.”

“We will meet at 6:00 am sharp at the Pizza Shed lot for a quick pizza snack.  Then up and away, in unison, five hundred miles to Georgia’s Tallulah Falls State Park.  We will stay the night in the pines.  Try to rest, but we must take turns doing night watch.  Georgia black bears do climb trees.  Their favorite bird of prey–buzzard–us!” said Buzzard Sam.

“Okay, okay everyone.  Good Mornin.  I know we’re all excited about our flight to Florida.  But, it is another five hundred miles.  Let’s eat all we can from the trash cans at these shelters.  We must be ready to leave in thirty minutes.  Then, off we go to Florida.  Our vacation home for the next five months.  Then, in March, we return to our home in the Ozarks of Arkansas,” said Buzzard Sam.

“Hey, Buzzard Sam, we goin’ to Daytona Beach?”  “No, too cold.  Besides, there’s no spring break in Winter.” “Sam, where are we going?”  “Winter Haven.” “Whars’ that Sam?”  “Near Orlando.” “Great! Theme Park City.  A stop over there?”  “Nope!  All the way to Winter Haven for some real rest and relaxation.  Maybe we’ll plan a day trip to go ride the killer whales.  We’ll see.  But we got to get there first.  Everybody ready?”

“Ready! Let’s go!”  “Me too, can’t wait to sun bathe with all the babe buzzards at the lake.” “Mama Buzzard Belle retired to Winter Haven a few years back.  I will give her a ring when we get there.  She makes a great gator soup!  All right, up and away!  Remember, us buzzards must stick together.  We don’t want any one of us in a buzzard stew for dinner,”      said Mamie Belle.

Migration Day has come and gone.  All birds have left for sunny Florida.  They are just about to arrive in Winter Haven.  Complimentary sunglasses for all birds at the Sunglass    Station and, of course, samples of Florida orange juice for everyone.  Who can go to Florida  and not have juice from the sunshine tree?

Ah, Florida!  Home Sweet Home!  At least for a little while.

 

Bigfoot

Somewhere out there.

Bigfoot, a legend or for real?

Many people talk about me as a legend.  Skeptics say I’m not for real.  Imposters dress up in gorilla suits and run through the woods as me.  But they’re not me.  Nobody like me.  I should know.  One even admits that he made a mold of my big foot.  How could he have done it?  He has never seen or met me.  Now, he’s a phony!  But not me.  I’m for real.

Legend or for real?

There have been occasional sightings of me captured on film.  I know of one for sure.  It’s about a thirty-second clip of me on the hunt for a banana burger.  I’m not an ape.  I’m not a man.  I am Bigfoot and I have big feet.  However, I do have a human friend.  I do know Elvis.  We play hide and seek.

When you see Elvis, you may see me.  When you see me, you may see Elvis.  We jam together.  We play rock and roll.  Our last sighting was at Dandy Discount.  Elvis was in Music signing autographs.  I was in Lingerie trying on something called a bra.  They didn’t have my size, so, I strung ten of them together to get the right fit.  I really liked the shocking pink ones, but the banana yellows had more appeal.

Legend or for real?

Well, if I don’t exist, why is there so much interest in me?  I’m occasionally on the six o’clock news.  On slow or no news days, local television runs that thirty-second clip of me between ads.  One newscast ran my clip every two minutes just to keep the viewers from changing the channel.  They will even change the lead to keep interest like “Special Report-Bigfoot Found,” or “Bigfoot Sighting Today,” or “Bigfoot’s Coming Out.  Stay tuned for more.”

Legend or for real?

There is one likely place you might see me.  We all drive cabs in New York.  There’s            more than one of me.  We have a fleet of cars.  Always ready for a pick up.  Just yell ‘Hey, Bigfoot.  I need a ride.’  I’ll pick you up, but be at the curve.  Must make a fast get away.  Cash only and no monkey business.

A lot of people in gorilla suits, so we blend right in with the crowd.  All are in the monkey business.  A lot of bananas in the Big Banana.  So, don’t be fooled by a banana bandit.  A lot of then there too.

Legend or for real?

I know you’re looking for me.  I am out here, but you will never meet me.  I’m like a fugitive, always on the run.  Just when you think you see me, you don’t.  Elusive as a butterfly.  Always lost and never found.

By the way, I have two requests before I go.  Does anybody have a dollar for a banana  burger?  Just leave it at the Banana Burger.  Corner of Monkey See Boulevard and Monkey Do Run.  They know me there.  I’m a regular customer at the drive through.  As I told you, I do drive a cab.

Lastly, I really like my bras.  I bought five pinks and five yellows.  They are on layaway.  I can’t pick them up.  Will you do?  They accept cash and Monkey Express.  Leave them at Gorilla Gas.  They know me there.

There’s no business like show business, but most likely, I’ll never show.  See ya!