Monthly Archives: May 2014

Lions Once

We’re not  just housecats.  We were lions once!

“Here comes Rex.  He thinks he’s king of the hill, but he is no king.  A regal name, but the title doesn’t fit him,” said Pete, the cat.  Pete goes on to say to Repeat, the other cat, “A lot more of us, cats, here than dogs.  So cats should rule.”  “Yeah, cats rule!” said Repeat.

Pete and Repeat have been part of the household for a very long time.  They are two chubby black cats with yellow marbled eyes.  They look exactly alike.  Thus, their names, Pete and Repeat.

Rex, a stately and sturdy golden retriever.  He is a very regal looking dog with a golden coat that  just glistens in the sun.  Rex sets the standard of pedigree and most dogs look up to him.  He is a leader, for his proud stature defines him as such.  A proud and stately dog.

One thing about dogs and cats, most of them don’t get along.  Dogs don’t like cats and cats could care less about dogs.  Dogs tend to be more sociable because they like to run with the pack.  Cats are a bit more independent and can live alone, if necessary. But cats can be social, but usually only with other cats.  Will Pete and Repeat allow Rex to share their space?  Can Rex give up some of his dominant behavior to get along with Pete and Repeat?  Let’s just watch how all this plays out.  There will be rivalry, no doubt about it.

Rex is new to the household and is claiming his throne.  Rex to Pete and Repeat “I’m king of this house.  I rule this place.  I’m top dog.  I am the boss and don’t you forget it.”  Pete to Rex “You’re not the boss and you are not over us.  We were here first.  We are the favored pets and don’t you forget that, too.”

“I know it’s hard for you lazy housecats to submit to my reign, but you must, otherwise you will be deported.  Not abroad, but to the local pound which is only a phone call away,” said Rex in a delightful yet threatening tone of voice.  “It’s either shape up or ship out.”

Rex to Pete and Repeat “The reason I am king is because I have purpose.  I’m the watch dog.  That makes me the top dog.  I do somethin’, but you lazy cats do nothin’.  Well this is exactly how I see you two cats…”  Pete said quietly to Repeat “Here come the insults and the put downs.  Don’t say anything.  I’ll handle this first round.”

“Hey, lazy housecats, anything going on?  Probably not, all you do is laze around all day long doing nothin’.”  Pete to Rex “We do have somethin’ to do.  Nothin’!  That’s what us housecats do is nothin’.  Our purpose is to be lazy, do nothin’ house cats.  Nothin’ more.”

Rex to Pete “I am of the highest breed.  We, retrievers, are smarter than most other dogs.  Certainly smarter than any cat.  I’m one smart dog and you’re two dumb cats.  Look at you two.  Dumb and Dumber.  Maybe too dumb to learn anything, but I’ll give you a chance to prove yourselves, if you can.”  Rex shaking his head and laughs out loud.

Pete to Rex “We are smart, too.  We know how to hunt.  It’s just our nature.  We can survive alone if we need to.  I have never seen you dogs do much alone.  Always running with the pack.  There are two of us and we are twice as smart as you.  We were fierce cats at one time.  We were lions once!”

Rex laughingly said “You two, lions once?  Ha, ha , ha, ha, ha.  I don’t think so.  You’re fat and what happened to your roar?  All I hear is meow, but no roar.  Come on, roar for me lions once.  Pete let’s here it from you first.  Pete attempts “meow, roar, meow.”  “So that’s your roar, what a fierce sounding cat.  I bet all the mice are laughing too.  They’re all running in fear from that ferocious roar.  Come on, Pete, bellow it out.  I’m waiting.  Pete opens his mouth and “roar, roar, Roar, Roar!” ” Now, that sounds like a lion,” said Rex.

“Repeat, you’re up next.  Come on, show me the lion in you.”  Bashfully, Repeat sitting roars a roar like no other roar.  Repeat loudly and fiercely bellows “Roar, Roar, ROAAAR!” “Now that’s a lion’s roar for sure.  Repeat, you may be more lion than Pete.  Sorry, Pete.”

“Just maybe you were lions once, but anybody can roar, even me.  Just listen, this is my first time and no rehearsal.  Ruff, Ruff, Roar, Ruff!”  Now, Pete and Repeat are rolling on their backs and meowing a laugh or two.  Pete to Rex “You are no king of the jungle.  Only king of this house and nothin’ more.”  “Yes, I am king here and don’t you two forget it.”

“Since I am king of the hill and now top dog, it’s my business to know everything going on around here.  I’m the boss and things are gonna change around here.  Both of you need to find somethin’ to do that is productive.  Do you understand Peter?”  “Yes, your highness.” “And you, Repeat?”  “Yes, your almighty dog in the highest.”  “You can laze the rest of the day, but tomorrow your lazy days will be over,” said with authority by Rex.

“Here’s a note pad.  List four things that you can do around here.  Two for each of you.  Pete, since you’re the lead, Repeat will follow your instruction.  A quick to do list will do.  Have it in hand tomorrow.  Pete said “Tomorrow, yes sir.”  Repeat meekly said “Tomorrow, sir.”  “See you then.  I will be expecting an action plan that will change you two for the better.  I know how comfortable you are doing nothin’, but I really think you both would be happier doing somethin’.  Be at the kitchen table at eight a.m. sharp.”

“Rex, for sure, will be back tomorrow.  He will continue with his insults.  He likes to berate before praise, if there is any at all.  Be ready for the insults and put downs.  Just remember to repeat after me.  Don’t say anything on your own, follow the script,” said Pete to Repeat.

“Repeat, this time we’re gonna try something new.  It’s called ‘reverse psychology.’  We will affirm all of his insults, then pay him a compliment.  Got it, Repeat?”  “Yeah, but I don’t know if I can pay him a compliment after he puts us down.”  Pete to Repeat “Agree to give it a try?  “Okay, I’ll try,” said reluctantly by Repeat.

Here’s a probable dialogue.  “Hey, lazy cats, doin’ anything today?  Probably not, you’re just lazy, do nothin’ cats.  You have no motivation.  Just lazy housecats,” said Rex in a sarcastic manner of speaking.  I will say,  “You’re right.  We are so lazy.  Just do nothin’ housecats.  We don’t know much, but I betcha you can teach us a thing or two about somethin’, for you are one wise dog.’  Somethin’ like that, Repeat.  It strokes his ego.”

“Repeat, the strategy is this, he puts us down, we raise him up.  For every negative, we respond with a positive statement about him.”  “Pete, I really don’t understand the purpose of this approach.”  “The purpose is to raise his self-esteem so high that he feels so important and caught up in his greatness, he will forget about us and leave us alone.  That’s the plan.  For the first few insults, we will agree with him with no compliments.  But when I nod my head, our next response will be followed by a compliment.”

“Mornin, lazy cats.  Got anything for me?  Probably not.  Dumber than dumb.”  Pete tells Rex “We may be dumb, but we do have somethin’ to do.”  “Well, what is it?” asks Rex.    Pete said “We do nothin’.  That’s our purpose. ”  Repeat agrees and said “Our purpose, do nothin’.”

“You two should really be deported.  Taken to the pound.  Maybe some fool will come along and find you exotic.  That you ain’t.  You’re nothin’ but lazy housecats.  Before I call the pound I’m gonna tell you both how I see you…”  Pete whispers to Repeat “these will be the worst insults.  Only repeat after me.  It’s important not to react, but to stay calm.  Got it, Repeat?”  “Got it, Pete.”

“First of all, you’re just housecats.”  “Rex, you are so right, just housecats,” said Pete.   Repeat said “Yeah, only housecats.”

“You’re lazy housecats.”  Pete says to Rex “Right you are, we’re lazy housecats.”  Repeat to Rex “Lazy housecats.”

“Nothin’ but lazy, do nothin’ housecats.”  “Right, again.  We are lazy, do nothin’ housecats,” said Pete.  Repeat agrees “We’re lazy, do nothin’ housecats.”

Here comes the worst insult.  Pete nods his head at Repeat on how to respond with a compliment.

“Most of all, you’re lazy, do nothin’, free loadin’ housecats.  You don’t earn your keep.  Free lodging, free gourmet meals each day with a breakfast feast of fresh bowls of milk and Eggs Benedict.  What more could a free-loadin’ cat get for free?”  Repeat blurts out “Cat naps too and twice each day.”  Rex says to the lazy cats “That tops it off.  Nothin’ but free loadin’ housecats.  You should be ashamed.”

Pete tells Rex ,”We are free-loadin’ housecats.  We are ashamed.  Maybe we can teach you how to become a free loadin’ housedog.  Nothin’ to it.  Do nothin’ and show up for the meals.  But we are the ones that must change.  Rex, noble and wise one, teach us lazy cats a lesson on how to be productive.  We don’t know much, so teach us somethin’,” said Pete.  Repeat echoes, “Teach us Rex, teach us.”

“You two are just worthless and useless.  You have no value because you have nothin’ to give.  Just maybe we can come up with somethin’ for you to do that will give you real purpose to your lives.  Any ideas, my feline friends?”  “Friends?” exclaimed Pete and Repeat.  “Yes, friends, but I ain’t doing nothin’ for you once you learn how to do somethin’ worthwhile.  You’ll feel better about yourselves.  And I will be proud to know that you have changed your lives for the better, forever.”

Now your action plan.  Rex to Pete, ” I’m gonna assign Max to you.  He is one smart cat.  He used to be minimal, but now he’s maximum.  With his help, you will change for the better.”

“Repeat, you are too dependent on  Pete.  You repeat everything he says.  You got a mind of your own.  I have a very skilled trainer for you.  Frieda is her name.  Yes, a female cat.   She specializes in building self-esteem.  You need confidence.  She will set you free from self- doubt.  You will become self-assured and confident. I think that’s what you really want.  She can help you to change.  Just follow her instructions and you will do well.”

“I apologize for being so hard on you.  I hate to see anyone with so much potential not doing anything to bring out the best in him.  I believe you two have what it takes to change for the better.”

“I have something for each of you, a book.  It’s a book written by me.  Titled  Changing for the Better.  It’s only four chapters with one sentence on each page.  Chapter One, ‘I want to change.’  Chapter Two, ‘I can change.’  Chapter Three, ‘I am changing.’ and Chapter Four, I have changed by life for the better.'”

“Lastly, I do believe you were lions once.  One virtue most lions possess is courage.  You both have it.  You are intelligent.  You are steadfast, and you are motivated.  Yes, you were lions once.  Even more, you are lion-hearted.  Now that is something worthwhile with a purpose.”

“One last request, Pete.  You think you can arrange  an extra bowl for me at breakfast?   I like cream.  And most of all, I prefer a biscuit with red eye gravy.  Can do?”  “Will do,” said Pete.  Repeat agrees “We’ll do it for you, our housedog friend.”